Osborne on Brown: “he smells of wee”

The Tory Shadow Chancellor has unveiled a masterful new strategy for attacking Gordon Brown: whinge for Britain:

“It seems to me he has been nothing but unpleasant in his dealings with me,” Mr Osborne told a lunch meeting for women political journalists in Westminster yesterday. “That’s a decision for him to take. I’ve had very good relationships with other ministers I’ve shadowed. I understand from conversations I have had with other Labour ministers that this is not an uncommon experience.”

Mr Osborne drew a contrast between the “wide range” of people who advise and talk to David Cameron and what he called “the five-strong cabal surrounding Gordon”. Mr Osborne complained that since he became Shadow Chancellor, after the general election last May, he had had only one telephone conversation with Mr Brown, who rang to brief him about a trip he was making to Gaza. At other times, he said, Mr Brown has deliberately ignored him, passing him in the corridor “without a flicker of recognition”.

Note that this was at a lunch of women journalists. I know his sort, I went to school with them. They sit in the corner of parties and look miserable so a girl will take pity and come up to them. Then, they jump on them for a snog at the first opportunity. It takes a certain low cunning, but they rarely amount to anything.

Regarding the stuff about Brown snubbing him in the corridor, whisper it, but did it ever occur to him that Gordo might be a bit shortsighted? Perhaps if Georgie was more than 4ft tall the Chancellor might have a chance of spotting him.

I know Cameroons get off on imagining themselves as characters in Lord of the Rings (the fact that the heroes in Lord of the Rings end up throwing power away appears to have passed them by) – you can just imagine them being the sort of annoying gits who used to spend their lunch breaks hitting each other with rubber swords – but far from Lord Sauron and Merry, I actually think Brown and Osborne more closely resemble these two fantasy characters.

DONKEY: Hey, hey, hey, come back here! I’m not through with you yet!

SHREK: Well I am through with you.

DONKEY: Uh-uh. You know you was always me, me, me. Well guess what? Now it’s my turn. So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me, and you don’t appreciate anything that I do. You’re always pushing me around, or pushing me away!