For some months now, I have been worrying about the fate that is expected to befall that bright, upcoming MP Ed Balls.
Ed, you see, is due to see his constituency wiped out in the next boundary changes. His repeated appeals that he is a Very Important Person and that This Sort Of Thing Doesn’t Happen To People Like Me have fallen on deaf ears. It now looks like he will have to find a new seat if he is to remain an MP after the next General Election.
This presents him with a bit of a problem. You see, the Labour Party is committed to imposing on its most winnable constituencies All Women Shortlists. Ed, however, is not a woman. And of course Labour would never dream of making special dispensation purely on the basis that the person in question is one of Gordon Brown’s bezzie mates. It would be unthinkable. The fact that last time round Ed Balls managed to get a seat next door to his wife, Yvette Cooper, is a pure coincidence and should not raise any eyebrows at all.
I however have come up with a great new plan. If we can’t have Ed in the Commons, what about Edwina? My research tells me it would cost £15,000 for a sex change operation. If we could just get 15,000 people to put in a quid each, all his problems would be solved!
What do you think of this idea? Let me know in the comments, or better yet, spread the word.
UPDATE: I see Guido is promoting this noble campaign. And I’ve now set up a pledgebank page on this, as requested.
CODA (1 December 2014): I just came across this blog post and, looking at it again, would like to apologise for any offence it may have caused. Not to Ed Balls, but I like to think that I’m more aware of trans* issues these days and would not dream of making a crass joke like this these days. I considered taking this down, but considered it to be the cowardly option. So I’m going to leave this here as an occasional reminder to myself to do better.
I enjoyed the righteous indignation in his press release about how upset his constituents were by the boundary changes. I suspect local MPs care a teensy bit more about this than local residents.
Ah, you mean this.
Surely time for a pledge bank…
Scary eyes. You could imagine him saying ‘endogenate!’ in a dalek voice. Or playing the baddie German in 1970s war filums.
Disappointing? 150,000 people who had 4 people looking after them will now have 3? And the Boundary Commission is not to be trusted? What planet is he on? The remaining 3 still need some 5,000 votes less than Tories to be elected, isn’t that good enough? Do you need an advantageous handicap AND the present soon to be departed Chancellor’s support? Oh, I see, maybe that’s the problem.
I’d pledge £1. Balls is a [editor]WOMAN’S RUDE BITS[/editor], so we might as well give him one.
What do you expect from a socialist? They lie out of reflex and double-speak is their natural language. I have gotten so fed with them that I set up my own blog so I can vent steam about them.
Ed Balls will be no loss. It’s a pity his parents didn’t christen him Timothy Andrew Laurence Kenneth Steven as it would at least make the documents he signs have the virtue of being honest.
Regards
Vladimir
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